February 25 – August 31, 2023
When the last chapter ended, I was driving to pick up my sons for one of my weekends. This chapter covers the six months that came after: the spring of track meets and Wednesday evenings, the man who came into our lives, the psychologist’s evaluation, the day I learned the judge who had taken my sons had joined their father’s lawyers’ firm, the summer my own lawyers left the case, and the trial date that kept slipping away from me.
February 25, 2023: “In EVERYTHING”
The morning after that first February weekend, I texted Kimberly Valenti. My sons had been signed up for almost nothing since they were taken from me, and I wanted to change that. “Can we put in a motion for me to enroll my children in sports and other classes?” I asked. “They were very active before and in EVERYTHING.”
The new guardian, James Phillips, was supposed to come to my home at noon that Saturday. The day before, he wrote that he was under the weather and needed to reschedule, and offered March 11. “No worries,” I wrote back. “Hope you feel better soon!”
The next evening I asked my friend Margie a different kind of question. I had been seeing someone named Brian. “How do I go about introducing Brian to the kids lol,” I wrote. She told me to keep it simple, maybe go hiking and say a friend was coming along.
March 2023: Track season
Track season started in March. On March 8 my Older Son told me practice started the next day. I told Kimberly: “there’s nothing in OFW.”
That same afternoon he was in Lori Long’s office. She asked him how he would feel about spending half his time with me. Her note says:
“assured me, he would like that, in fact he is kind of hoping for that. I questioned how he would like the visitation to work and he thinks week on week off would be the best with a midweek visit.”
On Saturday, March 11, James Phillips came to my home for the visit he had moved from February. When he arrived, my sons and I were sorting rocks and crystals together. My Younger Son took him to his room to show him his stuffed animals, and both boys showed him their bedrooms.
The exchanges were hard on all of us. Every pickup and drop-off happened at a police station, and the drive took close to an hour each way. On March 15 I asked my sons’ grandmother if she would meet me at a police department a few minutes closer to me. I told Kimberly what I had asked: drive “an extra two minutes towards my direction… so they didn’t have to spend an hour in the car each way and instead it would be only 11-12 minutes each way.” The grandmother said no, and that it was up to the lawyers. “Please put in a motion to change pickup location,” I wrote. On March 28 the guardian emailed me to ask whether I had brought this up in front of the children.
On March 31 Judge John Hoffman denied a motion by Sarah Heid to divide the contents of our marital home by lottery.
April 2023: “Hunker down”
On April 5, after one of our Wednesdays, I asked my Older Son what they usually did on the weekends they weren’t with me. I wrote down his answer and sent it to Kimberly:
“I usually hang out with my brother or go on my computer. We don’t really do anything. Just hunker down at grandmas.”
Two days later I sent her a link to my photos from before. “This was my kids lives before,” I wrote, “check out how many places and things I had them exploring regularly.”
Under the January interim order, Easter Sunday that year belonged to their father. He offered me my regular weekend anyway, from Friday at noon to Sunday at noon. On Saturday, April 8, Brian spent the day with us. That afternoon I wrote to Kimberly:
“So foreign having another person with me and my kids - I did everything by myself without [my husband] for 10 years - it’s so nice having someone else actually be attentive to my kids - [my Older Son] was glowing today”
On Easter morning we had our egg hunt. That evening I told Kimberly: “[My Older Son] started crying on my way to drop him off today.”
I also asked her that night why my phone and video calls with my sons had stopped. “I’m supposed to get up to one hour a day communication with my children either zoom or phone,” I wrote. “I just get cut out of their lives all other times than every other weekend and two hours wednesdays?”
On April 10 my Younger Son’s new school told me his clearance had been changed to “uncleared” and that he could not attend until his medical and dental forms were turned in. On April 12 I wrote to the guardian and to the psychologist the court had appointed, Dr. Aimee Thomas. My son had already gone two months without a school that winter. “As a parent,” I wrote, “I believe this is detrimental.” The school’s office would not speak to me, because I was not listed on his account.
On April 13 James Phillips answered. He wanted to interview the boys while they were with me. On Saturday, April 22, at noon, I brought my sons to meet him at a Panera. Afterward we went to Candytopia, and the boys wanted to see the Super Mario movie. That afternoon I sent the guardian the names of people who had known me since before my marriage: an old friend, the boys’ former therapist Stephanie Young, my sister-in-law Erica, my best friend Margie, and Brian.
Two days later I wrote to Kimberly: “Steinhauer completely devastated my life and my childrens.”
On April 26 I wrote to the guardian again, this time to introduce Brian properly:
“He is truly family oriented, a dedicated human being, he is a good man - i believe that very much, he has excelled in his field as a biomedical engineer with 14 patents, but most of all, this man has a good way about him.”
That same Wednesday was my deposition. Lisa Dean had noticed it on April 6. It ran from 10:30 in the morning until 4:30 in the afternoon. “It took them from 10:30 to 4:30 to grill me on my businesses and purchases and transfers the last few years from subpoenas to my bank,” I told Margie the next day, “and they only got half way through so I have another deposition to go to for the other half of their questioning - with a camera in my face and microphone on me.”
When it was over, I drove to pick up my sons. It was Wednesday. “I have to pick up my kids now,” I wrote. “I forgot it’s Wednesday.”
Late April and May 2023: The track
Once I had the coach’s schedule, I started going to their practices and meets. My mother and my brother Josh came too. On May 1, at practice, I texted Kimberly: “Coach said [my Younger Son] paid attention today with me here.”
On May 1 James Phillips also called Lori Long to learn how she was involved with the boys. Her note of that call says:
“I have also worked on reunification with Mom.”
On May 2 the judge who had taken my sons from me, Susan Steinhauer, announced on her personal Facebook page that she was now a partner at Roderick Linton Belfance, the firm where Lisa Dean and Sarah Heid were partners. Judge Steinhauer had recused herself from our case the August before, citing a personal conflict, and her term on the bench had ended in January. Now she had joined the firm representing my husband.
The next morning I wrote: “The old judge just got taken on as a partner in [my husband’s] lawyers law firm.” I said all of it was overwhelming, and that I was looking for a distraction from knowing how wronged my kids and I had been.
That night, at 9:09, I counted the days to the trial, set for June 27 and 28. “54 days to freedom,” I wrote.
Thursday, May 4, 2023: A psychogenic seizure
At 9:22 the next morning I texted Margie: “I just had a panic attack this is all so overwhelming.” A few minutes later I tried to describe it to someone else:
“I’m not sure but I collapsed and had seizure like body jerking and my chest got really tight - my boyfriend could explain better what happened he caught me”
Brian had caught me. It was a psychogenic seizure, brought on by the extreme trauma of the litigation abuse I was living through.
At 10:43 that morning Lisa Dean filed a motion to continue the trial. She told the court my husband needed more depositions, another expert and more defendants before he could be ready.
That afternoon at two was my Younger Son’s Mother’s Day tea at his school. “I’m supposed to go to [my Younger Son]’s Mother’s Day tea at his school at 2pm today,” I wrote that morning, “hopefully I’m feeling better by then and then track practice at 6:30 tonight.” I went to both.
On May 11 Lisa Dean filed motions to join my friend Milo and a list of businesses as defendants in my divorce. That evening at six I sat with Dr. Aimee Thomas for my evaluation.
On Saturday, May 13, the boys’ last track meet of the season, they didn’t come. Their father wrote on OFW that morning that he had a fever and that they would not be making it to any meets that day. My mother waited in the school parking lot anyway, in case they showed up. That evening I told Margie: “Went hiking today.”
The next day I had my sons. Brian and Josh joined us for breakfast. Afterward I wrote to Kimberly:
“nothing makes me happier than to see those smiles on my sons - I’ve never seen [my Older Son] beam so much - both Brian and Josh were at breakfast and even my mom commented how different the boys are seeming and how happy they’re looking”
On May 15 I told my sister-in-law what had been happening to my body: the seizures had started when I lost my sons the June before. They were psychogenic seizures, and they came from the extreme trauma of litigation abuse and of a system that kept taking my children further away from me.
The next morning I wrote to Brian: “I feel like I’m through the woods finally for the first time since I lost my house.”
June 2023: The evaluation
On May 19 Judge Hoffman gave me until June 1 to respond to the motions. On June 1 he continued the trial and added the third parties as defendants. Fifty-four days to freedom had become no date at all.
On June 6 a letter from Susan Steinhauer, dated May 30, was filed in our case. She was now a partner at the firm on the other side, and the letter was meant to answer the rule for former judges who join a law firm.
Meanwhile my sons kept growing. In June my Younger Son started a ninja class, and he told Lori Long he liked “everything” about it. He lost his first tooth and told her all about the tooth fairy. On June 22 Lori wrote that my Older Son had started a “summer camp” for his brother, doing activities with him every day. He showed her a story he had written about a monkey that escaped from a zoo and got stuck in a tornado. She told him to illustrate it. Her note says she “assured him that it was worth publishing.”
On June 17 Dr. Thomas wrote to me that the documents I had sent had expired, and asked me to send them again. “Please keep in mind,” she added, “that this is a psych eval and NOT a custody evaluation.” On June 21 she wrote again: “The reports were sent to the Court earlier today. Any data your provided me today will not be included in the report.”
Her report is dated June 23, 2023. In it she wrote that I “reiterated that she was the children’s primary caregiver.” About my husband she wrote:
“During a separate clinical interview, Mr. [my husband] did not claim he was the primary caregiver for the children.”
The hearing on releasing my share of the money from the sale of our house had been set for June 22. Lisa Dean asked to continue it, and so did James Phillips, who was on vacation until June 26. On June 21 I emailed him: “I understand you’re on vacation. I hope you enjoy your vacation. Please call me upon receipt of this email to come out and interview the kids again with me.”
Tuesday, June 27, 2023: The day the trial should have started
June 27 was the first day of the trial that was no longer happening. Instead, Darren DeHaven and I appeared before Judge Hoffman on my motion to release money from the sale of the house. Kimberly was out sick.
On July 3 Judge Hoffman ordered $60,000 released from escrow, $30,000 to each of us, with the rest held until further order. He set the trial for August 24 and 25, 2023, and wrote: “This matter has been continued once and there will be no further continuances.” Dr. Thomas’s report would be available to the attorneys, but no copies were to be made.
July 2023: Moving, and my lawyers leaving
Brian and I got engaged on June 9, and the next day, June 10, I moved in with him. On July 6 the guardian wrote that he had heard I had moved in with my boyfriend, and that he needed to meet him and see the new home without the boys there. I told him I was available that Sunday. “Perfect,” I wrote. “Thank you.”
On July 7 Darren DeHaven filed a motion to disqualify Roderick Linton Belfance, Lisa Dean, Sarah Heid and Judge Steinhauer from representing my husband, and asked for a hearing on sanctions. The motion laid out what had happened: how the one-hour hearing in May 2022 had become an all-day hearing in front of Judge Steinhauer, with eight witnesses ready on the other side. It argued that Judge Steinhauer, through her June 8, 2022 order, “was the architect of how this case would be shaped and how it would proceed going forward.”
That month I proposed changing the exchanges again. On July 11 my husband wrote back on OFW: “Your proposal is under consideration, but I would like to keep the exchanges as usual.”
On July 13 the court gave Lisa Dean until July 21 to respond to the motion to disqualify. On July 17 Kimberly Valenti filed a motion to withdraw from my case.
My mother came up from Florida that month. On the evening of July 19 the guardian emailed to ask whether we had a meeting that night. I had taken it off my calendar, and I was at a play date with the boys at my old house, with the new owners and their children. “So sorry I’m just seeing this now,” I wrote him. I told him my mother was in town, and that she had been cut off from any communication with her grandsons since the year before. That week I set her up with her own OFW account, as my husband had asked, so she could ask to see them. The next day the boys told Lori Long their grandmother was moving up to Ohio. When Lori asked how that made them feel, they both said, “we are excited.”
On July 20 Lisa Dean filed her opposition to the motion to disqualify. That same day, Judge Hoffman denied it.
On July 21 I wrote to Dr. Thomas. “I am now representing myself as my attorneys have withdrawn from the case,” I wrote. I told her there were errors in her report, and asked: “What can be done about this?” She told me I could write a letter correcting them. I began one. In it I wrote:
“I’m concerned about my children’s well-being and ultimate happiness, not about winning a case.”
That same day I saw a psychiatrist. I told the guardian afterward that, in the psychiatrist’s professional opinion, I did not need a psychiatrist or any medication. James Phillips asked for his contact information so he could contact him himself. I sent it that evening.
On July 25 James Phillips asked the court for twenty more hours of fees. His affidavit said the trial “has already been continued once and is now set for two day in August,” and that I had moved in with my fiancé, which required a new home visit.
On July 27 I wrote to the guardian about my Younger Son’s school, which I had no part in choosing:
“Am I not entitled fundamental rights by supreme law under the 14th amendment of the constitution to be involved in the decision making process of where my children will be sent to school and how they are raised?”
On July 28 our case was transferred from Judge Hoffman to Judge Joseph Giulitto. The Ohio Supreme Court certified the assignment on August 1.
That same weekend my husband agreed to let me pick the boys up at eight on Friday morning instead of six in the evening, as long as I returned them Sunday morning in time for church. We went to a water park. When Lori Long asked them about it, they told her it was fun. The next Wednesday I took the boys to Milo’s for a pool party, with two of my Older Son’s friends and their parents.
August 2023: Letters
In August my sons were busy with soccer and piano. Lori Long wrote in late July that my Older Son was “creating his own pieces of music” and that “he really is very talented.” On August 31 she wrote that he had drawn a dragon for a friend: “Great artist - very talented.”
On August 14 my husband told me on OFW that he had just registered our Younger Son for kindergarten.
The trial was still on the calendar for August 24 and 25. I had no lawyer. So I did what I could. I asked the people who had known me as a mother to write down what they had seen, and between August 19 and 21 they did. As each letter came in, I forwarded it to James Phillips.
A woman I had once helped with her business wrote that the first time I came to her office I brought my little boys:
“I was very impressed how wonderful mother Careyann is. She was very nice with kids and they looked very calmed and I could see this incredible love between mother and her children.”
A mother I knew from a local parents’ group remembered our play dates before the pandemic, and a short one that summer, when I had to pick the boys up from their grandmother at the police station. She wrote to Judge Giulitto:
“These boys need their mother.”
A friend I had met through an online health group wrote: “Her two boys are her whole world and it’s evident that they adore their mother as well.” My mother wrote. My former sister-in-law wrote to the guardian herself.
On the afternoon of Sunday, August 20, I sent James Phillips my own account of May and June 2022. On May 14, 2022, I had called a domestic violence shelter for help protecting my sons and myself. The shelter was full. I wrote:
“afraid for my life and my sons lives I moved hotels every few days and told my sons we were on a summer vacation to make them not worry.”
I also sent that letter to Lori Long.
That same morning, at 7:38, I had written a list in my notes. It began: “Journal: 10 mins. Drawing: 10 mins. Reading: 30 mins. Discussion: 10 mins. Screen time: 1 hr.” Under it I wrote the new dates I had been given:
“Sept 6 depositions March 4 Pretrial April 10,11,12”
On August 21 Judge Giulitto’s court issued its orders. The pretrial was set for March 4, 2024, and the trial for April 2024. The August trial, the one with “no further continuances,” was gone.
On August 26, my weekend, my Older Son played the first soccer game of his fall season. I was in the stands.
On August 30 Judge Giulitto issued an order on depositions, discovery, the pretrial and the trial. The same day, Lisa Dean filed a motion asking the court to keep my sons away from Brian.
The next morning, August 31, I wrote a list of questions in my notes. The first one was: “What will happen if I am given full custody of my sons?” Under it I answered:
“I will have peace I will thrive My children will thrive”