November 2, 2022 – February 24, 2023
When the last chapter ended, I was seeing my sons for one hour a week, on a Wednesday afternoon, in their counselor’s office. This chapter covers the four months that came after: the day a judge let me be alone with my children again, the holidays, the school that let my Younger Son go, the trip to say goodbye to my father, and the first of my weekends with them.
Wednesday, November 2, 2022: A dragon
The next Wednesday I was back in Lori Long’s office from 3:00 to 3:55. My Younger Son had had trouble at school again that day. He told Lori a boy had taken his truck. She asked him what would have been a better choice, and he agreed he could have told the teacher. When she asked what had stopped him, he said he got too upset. They read the angry unicorn book together, and he practiced his breathing.
The rest of her note from that afternoon is the part I hold on to:
“The boys were both good with Mom. She brought them healthy snacks and Legos and water. [My Younger Son] sat on her lap and snuggled with her most of the session, and [my Older Son] drew a dragon for her.”
The week before, on October 26, he had told her about another bad moment at school: a girl in line had called him a bad name two times, he said, so he got mad and pulled her hair. Asked what he could have done instead, he didn’t know. Lori went through the choices with him: breathing, talking to a teacher, finding another adult, counting.
On November 3 I wrote to my lawyer about what I was hearing: “he’s struggling.”
Tuesday, November 8, 2022: “No worries”
On November 8, my lawyer, Kimberly Valenti, called Lori Long to ask how the boys were doing with me and what she would recommend about reunifying us. I didn’t hear that call. I read Lori’s own record of it later:
“I explained I do not have any concerns for mom to see the kids. She appears appropriate with the kids when she is with me in session and appropriate with them as far as redirection and discipline so I have no worries for her spending time alone with them at this time.”
Kimberly asked whether she would be willing to tell the judge that. Lori wrote: “I explained if I need to, I am not opposed to it.”
That afternoon I was in her office with my sons again. My Older Son said school had been good that week and nothing bad had happened. I had brought him a dragon. My Younger Son’s dragon had three baby dragons in its belly, and he thought it was cute. Lori wrote down what he told her:
“[My Younger Son] said he is really proud Mom is coming to see me at Miss Lori’s.”
Monday, November 14, 2022: Unsupervised
On November 14, 2022, Judge John R. Hoffman Jr., sitting by assignment, signed temporary orders. He wrote that he had reviewed the pleadings, the update from the guardian ad litem, the notice of depositions and the lawyers’ positions, and that the psychological evaluations were not yet finished. Then:
“The Defendant shall have increased visitation with the minor children as follows: a. Defendant shall have unsupervised visitation with the children every week on Wednesday from 5:00 p.m. to 7:30 p.m., or on any other day that the parties jointly agree on”
He gave me Thanksgiving from 1:00 to 6:00, and my first overnight since June: from 3:00 on Christmas Day until 6:00 the next evening. Every earlier order not in conflict stayed in place, and that included the nightly Zoom calls.
It was two and a half hours a week.
On November 16, Lori Long called me. Because I now had the boys on Wednesdays at five, she told me she would stop having me in their counseling hour so she could go back to seeing them on her own. I told her I felt my husband was doing this to cut down my time with them. She wrote that she “assured her regardless I need to do this today.”
That evening, from five to seven-thirty, I had what I believe was my first visit with my sons since June with no one watching over us. Lori’s note from the following week records what they told her: “Last week we went to sky zone and Chick-fil-A with Mom and it was super fun.”
Saturday, November 19 – Thursday, November 24, 2022: Thanksgiving
School was still hard for my Younger Son. On November 19 I told my lawyer: “he’s having accidents at school.” On November 23, the day before Thanksgiving, Lori wrote that he “had to come home from school because he peed through all of his clothes,” and that when she asked why, “all [he] could tell me was he didn’t know.”
The same day, I texted a friend: “I got the kids from 1-6.”
On Thanksgiving I had them from one until six, and we spent it at Milo’s. My brother Josh came up for the holiday and stayed with me more than a week. The boys built with blocks. At 7:36 that evening, I wrote: “The kids aren’t on zoom.”
On November 30, my Older Son told Lori the nightly Zoom calls were too long. Her note says “sitting there is sometimes really hard especially if [my Younger Son] is breaking down,” and that when she asked whether anyone helped him, “he explained no because it’s only he and [my Younger Son] allowed on the call so he has to be in charge of everything.”
December 2022: Wednesdays
December was Wednesdays. On December 7 I texted a friend at 7:35 PM: “just dropped off my kids.” Some nights the Zoom calls didn’t happen at all. On December 9: “Kids are not on zoom.” On December 10: “He doesn’t have my kids on zoom again.” On December 16, a basketball night, I wrote my lawyers: “[My Older Son] is not in zoom AGAIN - he likely won’t show up tonight since he has basketball and this time IS NOT CONVENIENT for my sons.”
I didn’t get schedules for my sons’ games or school events. On December 12 I wrote: “there is a Christmas concert Thursday night at school 6:30pm - my friend informed me.”
On December 19, I sent the same message to the parents of my sons’ friends: “Hey! I get my kids Wednesday from 5-7:30 and was wondering if [your son] would like to come over and play with [my Older Son] and I can feed him dinner :)”
Tuesday, December 20, 2022: Depositions
On December 20, my lawyers took the depositions of my sons’ teachers, their principal and their school counselor. I went with my attorney Darren DeHaven. When we walked in, one of my boys’ classes was walking down the hallway, and he and I waved to each other. That night I told my lawyer that he had said something exciting happened at school that day. “He didn’t specify,” I wrote. “But we both know he was talking about getting to see me.”
That was also the day I learned something nobody had told me. My husband had decided to withdraw my Younger Son from his school, effective the next day, December 21. That afternoon I wrote my lawyer: “I’m nauseous - just dry heaved out my car.”
On December 22 Lori Long wrote that my Younger Son “has been kicked out” of the school, because of his behavior and because the school had moved him back to pre-K, and that his father had nowhere to put him. She asked my son how he felt about it. He told her: “I wasn’t kicked out of school.” When she asked what had happened, he said: “I’m not going to go there anymore.” And when she asked why not: “I don’t know.”
The next morning, December 23, Darren DeHaven and Kimberly Valenti filed my emergency motion for custody, asking that my sons be returned to me. It told the court that “the minor children have spiraled since being placed in the exclusive custody of Father,” and that my husband had decided to withdraw our Younger Son from his school “without notifying Mother or consulting with the GAL.” It said I had found out by accident, “the day before he was set to be withdrawn (December 20, 2022) at the deposition of” the school counselor.
Sunday, December 25 – Monday, December 26, 2022: The overnight
On Christmas Day at 3:00, I picked up my sons for the night. It was the first time they had slept at my house since June.
The next morning there was snow. At 10:05 I texted a friend about her son: “Does [he] want to come play with the boys? We’re going back out in a little bit - took a hot chocolate break :)” Later: “They’re having a blast - my brother went to get pizza for the boys.” I texted Josh that I needed two new controllers “so we can play four player Mario game with the boys.” At 6:03 that evening, after the boys were back with their father, I wrote to my brother: “the boys really had a good time with you today - I really appreciate you and all your help 💜”
December 27, 2022 – January 5, 2023: My father
Everything about the next nine days I’ve told at the beginning of this book. My father was dying of cancer in Florida. On December 28 my lawyers filed an emergency motion asking the court to let me take my sons to see their grandfather, and the next day Lisa Dean and Sarah Heid filed a response opposing it. On Friday, December 30, Judge Hoffman heard the motion and found that the visit was “appropriate and in the best interest of the children.” I was to pick the boys up at 9:00 the next morning and have them back by 6:00 PM on January 3.
So on New Year’s Eve, my brother and I drove them south. To pass the miles, I asked the boys questions and typed their answers into my phone. At 2:54 that afternoon:
“What is your mom the best at? [My Older Son]- being a mom [My Younger Son]-taking care of your kids”
At midnight I wrote: “It’s a Happy new year with my sons in my arms 🎈🎆🎊”
On New Year’s Day we spent half the day with my father and my mother, and then the boys were out catching lizards. On January 2 my father got to see his grandsons one last time. We had them back in Ohio in time for the court-ordered exchange. My father died on Thursday, January 5, 2023. That night I wrote to a friend:
“He got his dying wish to see my kids and all his kids one last time - he died three days later”
Monday, January 9 – Wednesday, January 11, 2023: Seven minutes
Four days after my father died, on January 9, Lisa Dean filed my husband’s response opposing my emergency motion for custody. It argued that my motion was “clearly an attempt to make an end run around the purview of the Guardian ad Litem,” and that the psychological evaluations with Dr. Aimee Thomas were still in process.
That night the Zoom call with my sons was cut off. The next morning I wrote to my mother: “I got 7 minutes with my kids last night.”
That was the day of the seizure I wrote about in the last chapter. At 8:03 that night I told my brother: “I’m getting irregular heart palpitations and had a slight seizure episode today.” It was the first one I wrote down, and it wasn’t the last. I believe it came from the extreme trauma of losing my children overnight and the litigation that never stopped after it.
On January 11 we were all in front of Judge Hoffman for a status conference: my husband and me, our lawyers, and the guardian ad litem, Brendon Kohrs. The next day I wrote a friend that the judge had said “he can’t just change custody without a hearing.” That same day, January 12, the guardian filed a motion to withdraw from my sons’ case. That afternoon I wrote two words about him: “Useless guardian.”
Sunday, January 15 – Wednesday, January 18, 2023: “He’s not in school”
On Sunday, January 15, I had my sons from one until four. At 1:13 I texted my brother: “I’m at lunch with the boys.”
By then my Younger Son had no school at all. On January 18 I wrote: “Apparently [the preschool] won’t take him either - all the schools don’t want to take him [my Older Son] said.” And: “He’s not in school.” I asked my lawyer: “Can we put a motion for me to homeschool?”
That same afternoon I picked my sons up and drove them to their counseling session myself. At 4:45 I texted my brother: “I’m picking up the kids in 15 minutes and taking them to their therapy session and then I’ll be home after.”
On January 18 I also wrote to a friend: “By the time hearing rolls around in June it will be a whole year without my kids.”
Friday, January 20 – Thursday, January 26, 2023: Every other weekend
On January 20, Judge Hoffman granted Brendon Kohrs’s motion to withdraw and wrote that “A new Guardian Ad Litem will be appointed forthwith.”
His interim orders from the January 11 conference were filed on January 24. He wrote that “it appears that the nightly zoom meetings with Mother have not been working well with the parties and the children,” and that “A constant schedule is in the best interest of children.” He ordered the marital home sold. And then:
“a. All zoom meetings are terminated. b. Mother shall have visitation with the children … every Wednesday from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m., and every other weekend from Friday at 6:00 p.m. to Sunday at 6:00 p.m.”
He also ordered that neither of us speak negatively about the other in front of the boys, share any court papers with them, or use social media to harass the other.
I found out the next day. To my brother: “I get my kids every other weekend.” To my lawyer: “Wtf every other weekend??? What the hell is wrong with this court.” And to friend after friend: “I get every other weekend with my kids and Wednesdays two hrs lol insane.” The weekends were new. The Wednesdays had been cut by half an hour. I wrote: “The judge changed my Wednesday time from 5 to 730 to 530 to 730 taking away a half hour from my time with my children on Wednesdays.”
On January 24, Lori Long saw my sons. She wrote:
“[My Younger Son] said he wants to live in his old house with his old stuff.”
She also wrote that my husband had given me a visit that Sunday from one to four, and that “The kids really enjoy having extra time with mom especially [my Younger Son] because [my husband] knows he really misses his time with his mom.”
On January 26 the court named a new guardian ad litem: James Phillips would replace Brendon Kohrs.
Friday, January 27, 2023: The first weekend
On Friday, January 27, I wrote to my therapist: “I have to get my new place cleaned up for tonight!!! I get my kids at 6!!!!!” At 2:01 PM: “Still have a bit to do but should be done by the time the boys get here.”
That afternoon I wrote to another mother: “I have the kids from 6pm tonight till Sunday 6pm - [my Older Son] loves hanging out with him too 🥰”
From then on, I planned my life in two-week blocks. On February 12 I told a friend: “I get the boys Wednesday 5:30-7:30 and every other weekend now Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm.” On the weekends I had them, I invited their friends over for sleepovers and play dates. On February 11, after dinner: “they’ve all had so much fun!”
February 2023: A new guardian, a new school
On February 2 Lori Long wrote that my Younger Son would start pre-K at a new school the next Monday, and that he was “Very excited.” On February 8 I told a friend he was in preschool for two hours a day.
On February 15 I texted a friend: “also I got a new guardian 🙌🏻” The next morning, February 16, I wrote: “I just have to mop and vacuum my house and make sure it’s all good for the guardian today.” His visit to my home was set for Saturday, February 25.
On Presidents’ Day, February 20, I had my sons from eight in the morning until seven at night. At 7:45 AM: “Heading to pick up boys now.”
On February 23, 2023, Lori Long saw my sons again. My Younger Son told her he really liked his new school. Her note says:
“[My Younger Son] said he really likes his new school, he has had no problems with his behaviors and no accidents at all”
She wrote that he liked it better “because it has better toys,” and that he was “learning about my ABC.” Track would be starting soon, and there would be sprints.
The next evening, Friday, February 24, at 5:35, I texted: “Going to pick up my kids.”